A loving adult relationship is what everyone wants and hopes to have at some point in their life. Some have just such a relationship but, for only a short time where as others claim to have been happily married for decades

As we all know there are no guarantees that a relationship will succeed. But, when someone meets the person who seems to be the right one for them, they can't help but hope and expect that their perfect mate will feel and respond in just the same way. And in the honeymoon period this is often the case with both partners endeavouring to be what they think the other person wants them to be. But, as reality arrives and the rose coloured glasses come off, little differences, doubts and uncertainties that weren't apparent in the beginning begin to emerge.

Dispelling the Myth

As partners begin to know each other more intimately, imperfections are bound to be discovered. There is nothing abnormal in this, just a part of reality. 'Prince Charming' and 'Princess Wonderful' never ever existed except in one's imagination and it can be a bit of a shock to realize their mate is not all they thought them to be.

This state of affairs is healthy, because now each partner can begin to relate to each other in a more sane and rational way. Unrealistic expectations can now make way for rational thought and behaviour. It's an opportunity to talk to each other with sensitivity and respect. To find out how they can work and contribute to the relationship, because all relationships need attention from time to time.

Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships need both partners to work at nurturing the 'relationship', but paradoxically each partner needs to take responsibility for themselves and their own needs. When a person enters into a relationship, it's unrealistic to expect their partner to be  the pseudo parent and now take care of them. If this happens, the balance of power is unequal causing resentment and criticism to become the norm. In the ideal relationship, there is humour, tolerance and the willingness to give - a generosity of spirit.

Managing Expectations

A fundamental influence in any relationship is that of the expectation of the relationship. Early influences from television, the media and one's childhood, influences what one hopes and expects. Everyone has their hopes and expectations influenced by life events, some more fortunate than others. With patience, tolerance and compassion, relationships can grow and develop in a loving and supportive way.

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